Conversation

I have really been struggling the past week with the fact that it doesn’t look like Miriam will be here in October.  From the moment we saw her and found out her birthday was Oct. 24^th, my heart’s desire has been to have her in our family by her birthday.  My mind and heart have been in turmoil over this.  Honestly, I started scheming all the ways that I could manipulate the system and get to Miriam in my timeframe.  It seems that my prayers are going unanswered. The disappointment I feel is overwhelming.

Yesterday in my quiet, pondering, resting with Jesus time, I was praying about this and here is the “conversation” we had:

I asked: Why do I feel the need to manipulate people and the situation so that I will be there on her birthday?

I heard: Do you not think I can accomplish this?

I responded: No, I know You can do this. You are the God of the impossible-a miracle working, mountain moving God.  I know that about You. Nothing is outside of Your control.

I heard: Well…

I answered: I just think you won’t do it...that You don't care.

Ugh! Did I really say that?  Do I really think that?  Am I doubting the goodness, mercy, unfailing love, and kindness of God?  These are the things that I sing about, say to others, and cling to, and yet here I am doubting. Just like Eve when she questioned the goodness of God and His care and protection of her.  Just like Sarah when she doubted the love and care of God in carrying out the timing of His promise.

Let me remember what I know to be true!  You, O Lord, are good!  Your plans for me are good!  You are working out a good future for Miriam and our family!  You love and care for us with an unfailing and everlasting love. Forgive me, Father, for doubting who You are…for questioning Your character.  Forgive me for allowing fear, worry, and circumstances to become larger than Your faithfulness, love, and mercy.  You are good and Your love endures forever.  I still want/desire/long to welcome Miriam into our family on/before her birthday. You, O Lord, are capable of doing that. But now, instead of manipulating, worrying, obsessing about this date, I am going to trust in Your character-Your unfailing love-Your goodness-Your never ending mercy-Your grace which is sufficient for me.  If You choose to place Miriam in our family in October, I will declare Your power among the peoples. If You choose a different timeline, I will trust that it is for our good and for Your glory.  I continue to pray, give You the desires of my heart, and do all the tasks that are required of me, BUT I will not manipulate, fret, or doubt You Lord.

You are:

The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin.  Exodus34:6-7

You are working for our good and Your glory:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

You are planning a good future for Miriam:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Update

Well, the mailbox still has not presented us with our approval from US Immigration.  Joey gave a friendly update call (which is why Joey had to call...I am no longer feeling particularly friendly) to the Immigration Officer handling our case.  They had a nice little chat.  Our case has made it to her desk and she thinks that if everything goes well, she will get to it by the end of this week or the beginning of next week.  Joey assured her that we were praying for her and for God to muliply her time.  Please join us in praying for Officer Lauren to move quickly through her cases so that she can process ours this week. 

Once we get the approval, then our agency can set our embassy appointment.  This will take about three weeks.  After the embassy appointment, it takes about two weeks for Miriam's visa to be processed and then we can travel.  I am itching to go.  I really want to be there with her on her birthday...which is October 24th.  In the human scheme of things, this doesn't look like it is going to happen.  But still, I hold out hope.

Our God is Able-Part 2

AAAAUUGGGHHH!  Disappointment!  So, today I called US Immigration again just to check on the status of our paperwork.  I have been praying from the moment that we saw Miriam's picture that we could bring her home in October.  Her birthday is October 24th, and I want to be with her on that day.  As time goes on, and there is no approval in the mailbox, it gets less likely that we will travel in October.  I decided to be proactive and call again to see where we were in the approval process.  The woman that answered the phone (after being on hold for a long time) didn't even let me talk with Officer Lauren.  She said that Officer Lauren just returned to work after being out for several weeks.  WHAT? Out for several weeks? I wanted to cry.  I told the lady that I was trying really hard not to cry.  She said, "There is no reason to cry. She is working on your paperwork."  I tried to explain about Miriam's birthday and how I wanted to be with her by then, but it didn't seem to matter.  So I politely got off the phone and then I did cry.  God will have to move in a mighty way in order for us to travel in October.

Yesterday, when I was in my God is able mood.  I looked in my concordance to see all the places in scripture where God is shown as able to do something.  The first one I looked at was in Daniel 3.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are getting ready to be thrown into the furnace for not bowing down and worshiping the statue of the king.  In verses 17-18 they say, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O King. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O King, that we will not serve you gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."  So, I know that God is able to move in miraculous ways...he can move the paperwork...get the embassy appointment...issue the visa to Miriam all in time for us to travel in October.  BUT if he does not, I will still serve and worship Him! I continue to pray and ask for this miraculous movement all the while trusting that He is always working for good of those who love Him.

Our God is Able

Joey and I went to a conference this weekend called, Together for Adoption.  It was not exactly what expected. I think that was expecting a conference geared toward the adoptive parent with practical advice for the day to day struggles.  This was more than that…it was theology…revealing the heart of God. It was about orphan care as a way to proclaim the gospel. We heard 4 pastors preach about adoption as it is found in scripture.  We were once outside the family of God, but because of Jesus, we have been adopted in and can claim our rightful place as children of God!  It was deep, and meaty, and thought provoking.

During the main sessions of the conference, we sang praises to God and worshiped.  I needed this time to be reminded who God is.  In the waiting, I can take my eyes off my Loving Father and put them on all the obstacles in our path.  Worship reminds me where my focus should be.  One of the songs we sang was God is Able by Hillsong.  This is what my spirit needed to sing…God is able…He has done great things…He can do great things…He is Almighty God.  He is able to move the paperwork through this system.  He is able to prepare Miriam’s heart for attaching to our family.  He is able to schedule a date with the US Embassy.  He is able to knit our family together.  AND even when I can’t see any of this happening, and I begin to panic because every day I run to the mailbox and the approval is not there…I KNOW HE IS ABLE. I will choose to trust.

God Is Able
He Will Never Fail
He Is Almighty God

Greater Than All We Seek
Greater Than All We Ask
He Has Done Great Things

Chorus
Lifted Up
He Defeated The Grave
Raised To Life
Our God Is Able
In His Name We Overcome
For The Lord
Our God Is Able[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong/god_is_able.html ]
God Is With Us
God Is On Our Side
He Will Make A Way
Far Above All We Know
Far Above All We Hope
He Has Done Great Things

Repeat Chorus

God Is With Us
He Will Go Before
He Will Never Leave Us
He Will Never Leave Us

God Is For Us
He Has Open Arms
He Will Never Fail Us
He Will Never Fail Us

Crafty!

This is Helen! My friend Ellie and I did a little project for Miriam's room. It is wooden letters to hang over her cubbies. We felt super crafty and it was a great way to spend our day off of school! I am so excited for my sister(!!!) to come home!